Now, please for ya'll that might be scared real easy, beware, this is not a pretty tale, I mean it's not like I went to Disney World or nothin!
Here we were, at the Fairgrounds, getting ready for the Dog Show, waitin on all the other dogs to get there in their houses on wheels. I was mindin my own business, really I was & I heard this strange whirrin sound. It sounded like a big, giant bumblebee, it rocked our house on wheels!! There was a big flash of light that blinded me & I couldn't see nothin.
Then out of that bright light I heard a voice roar "YOU, what planet is this??" Well, how am I supposed to know that? So I said, "I think it's Planet Bull Terror, what planet are you lookin for?" Well, that musta really made this voice mad, cause he was all like...."I ask the questions around here, not you! Q.U.I.E.T.!! you Bull Terror you!!"
Well I was!! I didn't say nothin else!! That roarin light was worse than the boogeymans & his fambly that hides in our backyard!! That dude was the scaryfullestest thing I've ever not seen! All hidin in that light, blindin me & yellin at me. (**shivers**) gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinkin about it again!
Next thing I know, I'm strapped in this chair & bein poked at & looked at & touched. I thought to myself, "Self, I said, you'll be lucky to make it out of this alive" And I said to the Powers that Be "I promise, I will never, ever be a brat to my siblins again, I will be good & I'll always eat all my brussel sprouts, I SWEAR!" I don't know how long I was strapped in that chair, but it musta been a long, long time. Dawgmom said I aka Pappy Egg-Head Alien did all that bad stuff all weekend, so it musta been for a couple of days. I tried to tell DawgMom & DawgDaddy I didn't need no microchip to tell me who I was, but they were determined to stick me with that needle & shoot a chip in me. All that did was tell those creechtures where to find me, I just know it, so teckneckly it's DawgMom's fault that happened, not mine!
Can someone tell me how DawgMom, DawgDaddy, Aunt Karen, Uncle Jerry & them other Bullmastiff peoples with them did NOT see that ship flyin around above them?? Well, I know why.... They were so busy stuffin their faces at the Bullmastiff cookout party, they didn't even notice it! Real bright, huh? That big thing, right above their heads & all they see is foodables! Stuffin their faces & drinkin beer & duck farts. That would have given them a clue about the Pappy Egg-Head Alien! (*DawgMom note: Duck Farts are 1 shot of Kahlua, 1 shot of Crown Royal & 1 shot of St. Brendans Irish Cream Liqueur, mixed with milk on ice)
Them weirdo, yellin from the light creechtures think they're funny too, they think since I have an egg-head I must be an egg-head. Well, hello, it was the Pappy Egg-Head Alien that was bein all stoopid all weekend, not me! Check him out....
I don't know how Mango got those pictures & frankly I don't care how he got them, I'm just glad he had his detectives workin in East TN that day so he could save my good name & prove to DawgMom it wasn't my fault! It got me off groundashun & outta perculatory & that's all that matters to me!
I think I'm gonna go tell my story to these people & get the word out that Tennessee has more than just hillbillies in these hills, there's scareyful bein thingies here too, so BE CAREFUL!! And another thing....Where the heck was Will Smith all last weekend? I coulda used his help!